Click here for Chinese
New Year 2004 Photo Gallery
Chinese New Year Leftovers
start off the feature section of this Lamma-zine with a few random
local CNY bits & pieces, some of them odd & unusual, plus some
visual leftovers related to this most important, colourful and
noisy of Chinese festivals:
A dog gone missing frightened by all
the nightly (and daily) fireworks, police warnings of extortion,
designed-to-impress signboards, buying bargain flowers on a ship,
Free Classifieds, Links & Web Pages!
you already notice the new "portal" look of Lamma.com.hk? Besides
the message forums, there are now many new sections, like ferry
timetables, links, search engine & directories of businesses,
restaurants & accommodation.
Plus several sections
originating in the Lamma-zine: news, events calendar, photo
galleries & the monthly magazine itself.
But, most importantly, it lets you create and add your own
classified ads and home pages, including pictures FOR FREE
(with an easy-to-use, fill-in-a-form
Pagemaker, no programming & design needed!)!
Click here to have a look!
here to discuss the new portal!
Credits for all these new sections go to webdog, La Miglione and
especially k@ who did all the tricky programming work. Do I
hear loud cheering for all their efforts? They well deserve it!
Busy Lamma-Gung only helped out a little bit with the design,
advice and integrating parts of the Lamma-zine into the portal.
Start adding a home page for yourself, your family,
your dog, or your
business, add a link to your existing website, or create a free
classified ad for your garage sale, or advertise your talents!
Favourite Hangout of
Gangsters & Molls?
is it about the Island Bar that makes it so attractive to gangsters
& their girlfriends ("molls")? The place was jumping with hoodlums
& sexy babes of all types on New Year's Eve!
Photographic evidence can be found
by clicking here. Just look at all these obviously
criminal-looking mugs and all the sinister shenanigans they're
getting up to in their favourite hangout!
On the left, another great poster from the famous
Harrisoni who seems to be retained by the mysterious & reclusive
Island Bar "family"? The party attracted most of the infamous
figures of the North Lamma underworld, who were congregating for an
evening of wild debauchery and raucous fun, continuing on all
through the night.
gunplay, "TUFF LOVE" and generally deranged, uninhibited behaviour
have been observed and photographically documented below.
Intoxicated and bawdy public displays seem to have been all too
commonplace. Most of the gang members (and some of the "molls")
seem to have taken the opportunity NOT to shave for a week before
the illicit gathering.
The rest of Yung Shue Wan was a very safe place that
night, the assembled hoodlums and their floozies taking an
break from their usual multitude of illegal
activities. Sadly, the local law enforcement
was conspicuous by its total absence and
missed this unique opportunity to arrest ALL
these criminal elements in one fell swoop by
simply locking the gates of the bar shut!
By now, all these powerful underworld figures have
slipped back into their disguises as law-abiding citizens. In the
name of all outraged, morally upstanding community members, we hope
that a thorough crime scene investigation has been performed! All
photos here have been shot undercover by "Keef" the Barman-ager &
his accomplices. They all "volunteered" as moles, after just a tiny
bit of "friendly persuasion".
Unfortunately, the promised witness protection
programme has fallen victim to the SAR's recent budget cuts. Sorry,
guys! Good luck trying to escape the rage of your fellow scoundrels
for exposing them!
Restaurant & Bar News
- Jan 2004
what's new in the local dining & drinking scene after the CNY
season? More than you might think!
Food promotions all over Yung Shue Wan, CNY
specials, even Western food catering from places like
New Holiday Mood. Special
international food nights 5 days a week in Aroy Thai.
Big theme party at Diesel's ("Sexy Pets",
Lucy's birthday, see right with her birthday card):
Click for Sexy Pets photo gallery!
Nam Wah Yuen (close to Lamcombe) has closed
after many years in business; and was reopened just one week later
under new management.
Juniors/seniors promotion at Emily's: $12/ice
birthday party photos at New Holiday Mood.
Thai Thai, the former Satay take-away place
on Back Street, has moved across the street, opening a proper Thai
Restaurant. Very tasty, hot and original food; but not cheap, easy
to spend well over $100 on a lunch for two.
Click for some new photos and descriptions:
Restaurants & Bars - Jan 2004. Check out the frequently
Events Calendar for food promotion dates, plus all the
restaurant & bar ads at the top of this Lamma-zine, of course!
Roz Keep, ex-Lammaite
month, a very well-known Lamma artist & long-time resident, the
ever-popular Roz Keep! She's recently emigrated with her family to
Chiang Mai in Thailand, but she's still missing Lamma a lot, like
Better late than never, we
present some of her best Lamma paintings. On the right, one of her
most famous artworks, "Yellow Mount Stenhouse".
Read her great, heart-warming
Artist Statement and check out the parcel she sent me from Chiang
Click here for Roz Keep's online Art
The Official Village
Cast your vote!
[ 0 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 5 ]
[ 7 ]
k@ (for haunting
[ 11 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 8 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 0 ]
My Hairy Ass
[ 1 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 4 ]
[ 0 ]
[ 0 ]
The Divine Ms D
[ 0 ]
Toad in the Hole
(for haunting village idiot)
[ 1 ]
Oscar Meyer Weiner
[ 0 ]
Total Votes : 49 (Feb 4, 2004)
After the recent District Council
elections, one more feature about elections: a less serious, more
fun affair, much more fun than the US Democratic Party primary
elections running right now!
Elect Lamma's Official Village Idiot!
It reminds us that some of the old Lamma spirit is still alive
even today. Old-timers might remember the Miss Lamma election from
years yonder; all entrants were guys in drag! Some of the entrants
in this poll are, even worse, guys in suits & ties!
all started when gargoyle stated in a forum message on
"Another village idiot you mean, surely?
We seem to have more than our share already."
That's true! So I asked her to nominate a few candidates and
other members joined in, even adding webdog and myself to the list!
Kind of disappointing not to have received a single vote, though. I
can be an idiot, too!
Somebody wanted to nominate the perpetrator of a recent nasty
high-profile incident, but for legal reasons I'll refrain from
mentioning this incident. Yes, I WON'T mention it at all! Sorry, NO
mentioning! No mention whatsoever, anywhere!
simply put up the list of the 20 most active members (see table).
The truly worthy Insomniac is leading
right now, having worked really hard for months to earn this title
through his many messages on Lamma.com.hk, antagonising & riling up
He's followed by the indomitable, irrepressible k@ who
got his private fan club & "friends" to vote for him, who seem to
consider him worthy. Joanne writes,
"My uncle Keith is the best village idiot. Vote for him!"
few of the notorious multiple split personalities tried to gang up
on the well-esteemed & most helpful moderator Alan, but
failed to put him in the lead. Wearing socks & sandals is NOT
sufficient to win this one!
own favourite legless is not doing so well either, despite
claiming to be eager to win. But he's become uncharacteristically
reasonable, even friendly recently, deviating from his formerly
well-established aggressive, inflammatory & contrarian online
personality. Good for him!
We'll think up a suitable prize for the winner and he'll be
permitted to gallivant in public, parading along Main Street
holding a tour guide flag, wearing a sash and dunce's hat,
announcing his new exalted status as Official "Village
Representative" of Lunacy and Silliness! Insomniac should get
But the election is not over yet! Join in, register and vote in
Official VILLAGE IDIOT Election!
Betting is open now, eh, sorry, not officially open, as Village
Idiot gambling is still not legal...
Participation in an Interactive Platform
had another great idea the other day, sending an email invitation to Alex Chan to become
a moderator on Lamma.com.hk. Alex is the Chair of the Citizens
Party and the loser, eh, first runner-up, in the recent District
Webdog came up with the above
high-brow, clever-sounding email subject line as well. He's
starting to sound like a politician as well, doesn't he?
Webdog, Site Admin & Founder:
Transparency Through Participation in an Interactive
writing on behalf of Lamma.com.hk to invite your party's
participation in our forum. The forum has enjoyed a very huge
success since its introduction little more than one year ago.
Currently, we have on average more than 5000 hits per day and
over 500 members, plus many more non-registered viewers.
The fact that we are
non-profit-making and provide a platform for free speech in the
forums has become very influential in the local community.
participation would be warmly welcomed by our fellow members
since most of our registered members are local Lamma island
residents. They have shown great interests in discussing
political, environmental and other issues related to Lamma
like to propose to open a special topic area for the Citizens
Party. And I'd like to invite you or your colleague to be the
moderator of the area. Being a moderator will allow you to post
news, announcements and edit/delete posts in your topic area.
we would also like to hear your comments on many issues being
discussed in the forum.
looking forward to hearing from you.
After a bit of prompting in person, Alex agreed! We're looking
forward to hear from "The Big Guy" online very soon! Maybe we
should invite the winner of the election, Ms Lammadonna, as well?
We can try...
Below the Ferry
you've seen a crackpot crawling & staggering around BELOW the ferry
pier taking pictures in the last few weeks, that was Lamma-Gung on
two of his photographic excursions, exploring some new, "unusual"
views and angles of Lamma Island's hidden and secretive
If you've always wanted to see what lies beneath
the ferry pier that many of us are walking on almost daily, this is
the photo gallery for you. If not, congrats, you're normal and
don't need to waste your time with crackpot photo galleries like
this one! Click the X button (upper right corner,) to close
this window RIGHT NOW!
But if you're just a tad curious what it
looks like down there,
Flourishing Flora, Faultless
haven't seen any Lamma Birds, Bugs, Flowers,... of the Month
for a while. Catch up with some new photos from our most excellent
expert moderator Zep, plus a few from the private collection of
Learn about some of Lamma's fascinating and little-known
Pandanus fruits, Mimosas, House Shrews, Giant Wood Spiders, etc.
Click here for the Flora &
Fauna Photo Gallery!
For even more pictures & "informative info", check out Zep's
Fauna forum, which is full of info,
Gravel Ship at Sunset
was enjoying a tea time set in the Green Cottage - my favourite
sunset watching spot - just before Christmas. A HUGE ship was
manoeuvering into the harbour, squeezing narrowly through the
fishing boats, inching its way towards the construction materials
platform opposite the post office, extending its snout...
Another unexpected surprise photo opportunity!
I was off, filling another two Memory Sticks with 3MPixel
snapshots. Some of this gravel and sand was used for the new
temporary helipad shortly afterwards.
Click here or
left for another weird photo gallery!
The Forgotten Artist
all started, as so often in the Lamma-zine, with an email. A very
short, but uncharacteristically whiny, sniffling, "hurt-feelings"
email from a self-proclaimed "Forgotten Artist" (see right).
Looking at the photo, no wonder he's forgotten. He might even have
forgotten his own name as well...
Let's make sure below that he's remembered again!
But I can't guarantee that it'll be in a positive way... "Any
publicity is good publicity!" is the motto that the newly dubbed
"Shy" Stick Insect Hunter seems to live by. Being forgotten is
worse than being dead! But famous artists are supposed to become
famous only AFTER their demise at a young age! This guy missed his
Shy Stick Insect Hunter", the self-proclaimed "Forgotten
Stick Insect Hunter has fallen out of favour of the Great
Not even a tiny little quote.
getting commercially too successful huhh? Have no more time
to deal with an unsuccessful artist? :-)
Have fun and happy new Year!
Who are you, dear "Forgotten
Lamma-Gung has become WAY to
successful these days to even bother with lowly and unknown,
"forgotten" artists! No more sycophantic, groveling MI-JAI
(Minor Inferior Junior Artist Impostor)! No more weak &
subservient Gollum, wicked & mean Smeagol has re-emerged and
triumphed in our battle of split personalities! The Ring of
Power will be mine, all mine, my Preeeeeciousss restored to
its rightful owner, hehe!
Hah, I STAMP on you, little
stick insect! Just a little, ugly smudge on my boot,
What famous deed or heroic act
have you achieved in the last month to be worthy of the
attention of the highly successful & FAMOUS Lamma-zine? What
would merit a "tiny little quote" in the
But I'm a busy man these
holidays and don't have any valuable time left over to deal
with every "wrong-headed crackpot with an ignorant opinion"
(as my idol Calvin in today's papers exclaimed), no more time
to deal with an "unsuccessful artist", as you called
where's this sudden, unexpected, uncharacteristic false
modesty coming from? As the self-proclaimed "star" of your
own, self-published print magazine, with your picture on
almost EVERY page, I don't believe this new,
unheard-of-ever-before modesty for a split-second! Just
trying to pull my high'n'mighty leg once again, trying to
make me fall on my behind with a thunderous THUMP, oh
to cut short my braggadocios, self-righteous prose, inform me
forthwith of your meritous deeds worthy of honourable
inclusion in the CNY edition of the esteemed Lamma-zine! I'll
consider your request amongst the mountains of free-publicity
requests from other "forgotten artists" in my inbox.
you could always place a paid ad to promote your nefarious
deeds and going-ons to ensure preferred and highly visible
worldwide premier exposure (not meant literally, as your
predilection for exposing yourself is all too well-known to
our esteemed readers!)
Lamma-Gung, Editor-in-Chief of Lamma-zine
Hey, this was fun to write! I should polish this
stream-of-consciousness rubbish a bit and include it in the
next Lamma-zine, as an introduction to a little feature about
Official Court Artist of Lamma.com.hk,
haven't seen any of your artistic creations on Lamma for a
very very long time. We know that you're busy being famous in
the Philippines, getting your musings and mug shot into print
magazines, throwing wild parties and being smooched by girls
on both cheeks (front cheeks) in public (see below).
here for The Shy Stick Insect Hunter Magazine launch and Website
His comments: "Not only am I quite
handsome and sophisticated, I am also extremely humble. Sometimes I am almost ashamed to
a magazine about myself."
Click here for more info on this large-format,
self-promotional print magazine. Hilarious & highly recommended,
samples available from Lamma-Gung directly. Another (spoof)
magazine cover on the right.
Also, check out this fun article about our Official Court
The Happy Malcontent:
"Andy Maluche - artiste,
photographer, ex-adman, stick insect hunter, publisher/writer/art
director of The Shy Stick Insect Hunter, defending beer-swilling
champion, and habitual rabblerouser - tells his own story. It's a
"We were awesome in
Burns facing – Hussain’s at the other end.
Leigh Powell (left) and Cap’n Burns
The University player seen in the
background is looking for the ball Leigh just hit for 6,
not trying to escape. Although later he
might have wished he had escaped.
John Fox, our
(Lamma Cricket Club Correspondent):
hopes boosted by record win
Cricket Club brushed aside a hapless Hong Kong University XI by
a club record- 209-run win last Saturday, further strengthening
their 2003-04 championship aspirations.
the toss, Lamma elected to bat, opening with Captain Mark
‘Monty’ Burns in partnership with Leigh Powell. Leigh went in
the fourth over for a quickly-taken 20. Our third batsman,
Hussain Butt, then shared a superb 147-run third wicket
partnership with Cap’n Burns, going on to score 159 off 102
balls, including seven big sixes and 18 fours. Valuable
contributions from Ian Beck (15) and Sher Lamma (20 n/o) added
to Lamma’s commanding total of 296 for 6, leaving HKU’s batsmen
facing a daunting target against the on-form islanders.
daunting it proved. Cap’n Burns set an attacking field and our
opening bowlers, Hong Kong International Sher Lama (4 wickets
for 15 runs off seven overs) and big Aussie Terry Pontikos (2,
12, 5) tore the heart out on the University’s upper order,
reducing them at one stage to 22 for 5 after just 7.5 overs.
The opening bowlers were backed up by fine overs from Alister
McMillan (1, 8, 2), Darryl Bending (2, 11, 2.5) and Alex
Griffiths (2 runs off 2 overs).
Lamma team, supporters and scorer at Sandy Bay:
left: Foxy, Derek Wintle, Leigh, Darryl, Toby White (with
dodgy ciggy), Terry, Alex, Mark Smith, Kim Leung (super scorer
extraordinaire), Hussain, Ian, Cap’n Monty Burns, Craig, Al,
Our fielders didn’t put a foot
wrong either, with excellent catches by Craig Francis (w/k),
Alex, Al, and a superb diving effort in the slips by Hussain to
skittle out HKU for just 50, so an early tea (well OK then,
beer) was had by all.
awesome in the field; the best Lamma fielding I have yet to
see,” Cap’n Burns told the Lamma-zine.“ Our batsmen were spot
on too, especially Hussain.”
Ironically, the history of Lamma Cricket Club can be traced
back to the 1980s when the University would invite a team of
Lamma islanders to play in an annual friendly game at the Sandy
Bay ground. It was always guaranteed to be a great day out,
even though Lamma were inevitably thrashed by the University.
While things have changed
drastically since then in terms of their performance, LCC
remains very much a social outfit, as witnessed by Saturday’s
victory celebrations at our adopted club HQ in Central, Barco
in SOHO’s Staunton Street.*
University are a great bunch of guys and Lamma’s social side
were in action at Sandy Bay the next day for a friendly game.
The social boys, under the captaincy of Ian Harling, beat the
HKU social XI, albeit by a much narrower margin than the league
squad, and a great day out was had by all players and their
wonderful establishment, highly recommended.
(all photos submitted by John