(photos by L-G, click to enlarge. "Nick & DJ Kulu" photo by Sean Creamer):

Clockenflap: 12-1-08

And so the journey begins... a libertine excursion, marked by acts of incompletion and random outbursts of ineptitude. All times are 24-hour clock. Shall we begin?

I've just finished a 5-hour move, up/down more than a 1,000 stairs. These knees aren't made for climbing, but there's brass in pocket and plans are underway to catch the 1430 ferry to Central. Destination: Cyberport for the Clockenflap Multimedia Arts and Music Festival from 1400 hours to 0200 hours, Sunday. Should be a cyberdelic Woodstock (w/out mud, but w/a huge Bouncy Castle). Strolling down YSW Main Street, against a lot of happy feet traffic, I learn there's a free ferry to Pokfulam leaving in 15 minutes (about 1330). There's just time enough to buy cocktail ingredients, a new notebook and hit the pier (for a 15 minute wait on the boat). Good crowd, lots of familiar, multi-generational DickStock faces. No pushing. The antithesis of the RFU's shambolic distribution of rugby tickets (but that's a completely different story of rage, impotence, irritated joy, greed and incompetence).

The Bush regime's rain-makers are up to their usual standard. It's a glorious day, thanks to a dazzling performance by Ole Sol, the biggest star in our system. Beaming in good vibes (if we don't get too technical and mutter about melanomas and mutant radiation) from 8 light minutes away he Makes The Day! I spend the next 20 minutes, sharing cocktails with Lamma-Gung, Parksy and Tiff - all of us are working VIP's today. Lamma-Gung gets his 1st significant mention now for exhorting us all to Flock'n'clap for Clockenflap!

The hired ferry boat (from the same people who did the recent Wonderful Voyage Around Lamma) gets us there safely. Out of the boat at Cyberport, past the Sculpture Garden, round a big building and down the length of the Information Circuit. Lucky me, there's about another 150 stairs [Editor: 112 steps, according to Parksy who counted them! See left] to clamber to gain entrance. Wiry, young dads bound blithely past me, 2 steps at a time, carrying prams and possibly subharmonising to a rousing chorus of "hey-ho, hey-ho, it's off to work we go!" Reach the top without recourse to oxygen.

Inside, the lovely Marianne with the unshaky hands signs me in and deftly attaches my Clockenflap media bracelet [see below]. Through the doors and wow! Groovy Venue! There's a 4-tiered garden area (very flat) ringed by a moat (no fishing allowed and please don't feed the mosquitoes). Lots of tiny tootsies getting soaked though. There's the main bar and a big vidscreen at stage left, a decent sized stage, the ubiquitous iron fence in front. Next is Ray's Shed, some food stalls and bars and Andy's environmental booth. Andy the Conservation Director explains. "I'm on duty. The WWF has a tent and we're talking to people about seafood hunts." (I think that's what it reads).

There's also a laptop to calculate your carbon footprint [Editor: www.Climateers.org]. Looking forward to Young Knives too!" The SCMP reports that the organisers will donate 20% of their profits to offset the carbon footprint [see green poster below]. Good Work Fellows! Unlike the Dubyahoo and his Cabal. This is a President whose mangled syntax inspired a book "The Bush Dyslexicon". A man who allegedly spent his formative years with a silver shotglass welded to his wrist or a silver spoon up his nose (anecdotes vary). He's now swapped them for a silver foot in his mouth and I hope he gets to the silver sock in his gob before he tells us his Final Solution to Global Warming is...Nuclear Winter. He needs to listen to Meher Baba speak more often. Pete Townsend will vouch for that.

Nice grass at front of stage, more cocktails, casual banter, blah blah blah. Parksy and Tiff have ambled off and L-G is skulking somewhere [Editor: Who, me? I was taking photos, not skulking!] There's a hint of a wisp of a snippet of a Chinese Whisper saying 'The Music's Too Loud'. Apparently 70 decibels is tolerable to the Authorities. Negotiations are continuing. The main suspect is anonymous from the hotel at stage right. Didn't they know there was a Happening today? The complaint occurs during Luke Chow's vibrantly pleasant acoustic guitar w/vox opening set. Songs include "Accumulation", "Internally External" and "Becoming a Dentist". He seems glad when it's over (too much Friday night?) and much prefers playing with his band Hungry Ghost - a 4-piece with Tiffany Love, Paul Lam and Mike. Who plays what is left as an intrigued reader's exercise. Check out www.myspace.com/hungryghostshk. I've told him to unearth "Love Chronicles" by Al Stewart (Jimmy Page on extended lead guitar!)

Clementine is my Sunshine is next on stage. A more ethereal set on acoustic guitar and occasional harmonica. The type of tunes you would hear on Sarah Records. Sorry, dude, gotta go. Just spotted Kulu climbing into Ray's Shed...He spins an interesting mix of nu-funk and offbeat rare groove at Solas and Kee Club. Today's aural offerings include Flow Dynamics w/Diesler, Quantic and the Freestyle All-Stars. Steve Bruce, Ray and Kumi DrumJam are here too, almost inhaling the sounds of his short set. Someone's shot a snap of me and DJ Kulu - the Battle of the Beards! I wonder what time my mates Karina and Derek will arrive? Recent experience suggests the odds of them seeing the headliners are 60/40.

Meanwhile, Bizali are busting some chops on stage... This Bristol-based group have been gigging about 2 years. In their own write, they claim to be "inventors of FLUNK music. Boil the copper pot of FOLK, mix with the silky tea-leaves of SOUL, blend with smooth FUNK syrup and serve in a little teapot of SWING". Long-term Lammaites will remember Mothership. Newer arrivals will think of a hornless Nude and Garoupa's acoustic lead guitar w/FX pedals. (Has Garoupa now gone the way of the cod?) Blythe Pepino is on lead vocals and part time melodeon. She's a twirlyball of energy, floral summer skirt flaring out. Dancing barefoot, she's a minxy mix of Sandie Shaw, Belinda Carlisle and Eddi Reader. Daisy Palmer is a subtle power drummer with some cool changes in pace and tempo. Dave Johnston on bass meshes fluidly with her, providing the solid necessary heartbeat to move the tunes along. Aaron Zahl is the main scribe and his acoustic guitar playing blends rock riffs, wah-wah pedals and ringing power chords (plus a nifty Hendrix riff. Well spotted, little Nick at the mixer). Marina, a guest photographer says "The show is bizarre. I love the Bizali band playing right now." Tunes include 'UH-HUH", "Shiny Things" and "Broken Chains". The melodeon track was a real Augusto Pablo flashback. More details on www.bizali.co.uk and I'm looking forward to chatting with you...

Bodhi is now DJing at Ray's. Gets a little more trancy and then slips in a real gem. Lee Perry doing 3 Blind Mice - a rarity from 1971-74. People in the crowd are having fun. Time for more solicited scribbles and scrawls. Here's Sean and Lauren: "Kid Carpet and Young Knives are gonna kick ASS! Blips and blops forever. Great venue. Great price. Do it Every Year."

Little Nick explains that his job is to get the band sounding right (to them) on stage and his feed is sent to the master mixer who makes sure it sounds cleaner and crisper than the original band CD. Bizali are backstage, winding down and we chat for a bit before they go do some PR and interviews. Like me, they're Young Knives virgins. They wonder why everyone is so laid back. I reassure them that most local audiences don't dance, but they DO enjoy the show or else they wouldn't be there, not dancing. MC's Will and Kinny introduce DP who are preparing to "shock and awe" the front row of grinning gurners and the TV eye. No sign of Karina and Derek.

DP is Dave (voxbass/FX) and Paul (drums). That's the simplest acronym. Other more scatological versions exist. Enjoy making up your own. Musically, they could be Dub Punk to Dark Prog. Their Demented Playing has led to a Durable Partnership since they graduated from The Academy of hard rock knocks in early 2007. They blast through a 10-tune set which includes crowd pleasers "Supermegadon", "Man Thresher", "Eye of the Eagle" and "Vincent Blackmountain". The sound recalls prime sludgy-Sabs, some Metallica, and bits of more electro NIN when Dave mashes his pedals. Paul's charity Mohawk is growing out and his white suit and matching shades gives the appearance of a slightly psychotic ice cream vendor, but it's all an act. He sheds the jacket and his drumming becomes faster, more fluid while his hi-hat cymbal stack is knocked askew about 3 times during the set. Thomas, a visiting drummer, notes "DP rocks, but their cymbal is defective". His mate, Preston, wants everyone to know he's having an awesome birthday. He gets a birthday brownie. Dave is blending power bass riffs with a rumbling, underlying rhythm. Close your eyes and they could be a trio. Personally, I think they need a mad synth/samples/keyboard player. Someone like Alan Ravenstein (Pere Ubu) over Isao Tomita and samples triggered by Don Letts. They've done some recording/re-mixing w/Dan F. (Yumla) and that's what I want to hear. Embrace Naughty Technology! My viewpoint is not a Damascene moment for Paul. Other fans have said the same thing. You can check DP out on www.myspace.com/dpmetalheads.

DP have finished and the tension is mounting as The Young Knives' HK debut draws ever closer. Backstage, Paul has the answer. A large guitar case is put on the table, opened and...it's treble doubles all round. The Guitar Bar is officially open for business! Another quick brownie and a choice of Jim Beam, Absolut, Jagermeister, and Bombay Gin. I spot Bizali up front, having done the PR chores, and motion them round to the back. The Jagermeister sustains heavy damage as everyone swigs and bonds. L-G has arrived and wants to know if I want to join the press conference with Jay and Mike (the organisers). I say no as The Young Knives are on stage.

You know the story. UK Mercury Music Prize nominees last year. The Post wrote that they "forged a reputation on the back of their live shows" and their debut release "Voices of Animals and Men". Henry Dartnell is on lead guitar/vox. Brother Thomas, aka House of Lords, (who looks like a young Ronnie Barker - think Fletch, pre-"Porridge") is the bassist. Oliver Askew is on drums. They wear suits. Slightly less flashy than early Be Bop Deluxe. Not quite Men in Black-era Madness. More accountants on the razz, so to speak. Thish could be the cocktailsh shpeaking (or Sean Connery), but they are really rather good. Tight songs, fusing the gritty guitar runs of The Ruts. Melodies courtesy of The Only Ones or The Skids. Heroic stances worthy of Pete Townsend or Spinal Tap's Nigel Tuffnell. This is a post-punk v retro-rock amphetamine-fuelled charge through some of the greatest Indie moments of the last 20 years. It's like most of the best acts from "Uurgh! A Music War" all mashed up. The only titles I hear are "Up All Night and "Lightswitch". The encore features Henry falling over [see below], playing a blistering rock guitar finale and leaving his guitar prone on stage feeding back, while he scuttles off, followed by Thomas and Oliver.

The sound is up to 90 decibels for this performance, thanks to the unflappable Alex and her mediation skills. L-G and Marina are getting some excellent snaps. Manek is here now. Haven't seen him since the Hedkandi gig. He's videoing the show. Blythe and Daisy are in full-tilt boogie mode at the side of the stage. (Ja, ja, Jagermeister!). Lots of Lammaites visible. Tamara is still dancing. Chunny, Sian, John Hutton and Barry are on the periphery. Where the hell are Karina and Derek? Looking for Godot perhaps? I persuade Bizali to make Clockenflap history by becoming the 1st Bristol band to review another Bristol band while the latter are still playing. Here goes: Bizali says [see below]: "The Young Knives are brillo pads, like chocolate on our nether bits. Uuuummm, I like". Thanks, Blythe. "Clockenflap rules. The Young Knives rock." Cheers, Daisy. L-G has the photographic evidence of this mini-moment in history. Don't all surf for it at the same time.

Clockenflap by Day is over. Most of the families are leaving, while the unencumbered are heding to the downstairs inside hall for Clockenflap by Night. Ray's abandoned his Shed and is on the Wheels of Steel, just below a stage clustered with equpment for the later acts. The indoor venue has a Cathedral-cum-foyer appearance, set off by huge bay windows. About 600 (?) or so people remain of the nearly 900 (?) who were outdoors. Ray slams out some frenetic grooves to a wildly delirious crowd (up front, anyway). The final tune features a raucous rock soundbite "you've got a bullet in the head" Sounds familiar? MC Grey Goose enlightens me. "Who else fuses funky 80's electro into Rage Against The Machine? That's some cool shit" Take it away Mr Ray Dollars.

While laptop duo Snoblind set up and fine tune, there's an impromptu performance by Hannah [see right]. She's Patti Smith meets Joolz, the Punk Poetess. A bravura recital of Lamma 'til I Die over an absorbing funky soundscape. She articulates in brief, but telling detail, the joys of being a Lamma resident. 20 years of my life flash by while she performs, a smile of happy recognition plastered across my face. Hannah, please get in touch w/L-G. He really wants to publish your poem in the Lamma-zine! On with the show. Still no K + D.